It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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