If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize