Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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