I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
