I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
