ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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