I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
