is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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