whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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