he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
