So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
