I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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