Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
