i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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