I hate your face
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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