I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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