Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
