God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
