That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
