Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
