WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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