Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
