I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
