So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
