Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
