why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
