I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
