My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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