It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
