my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
