Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
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I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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