that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
