My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize