If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
