We're facebook friends in real life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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