After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
