Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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