i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So squirting runs in the family.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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