I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
