I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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