But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
