I want to have your abortion
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did I show you my penis last night?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
