mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
