I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
