So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drake has all the answers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize