Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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