so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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