It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
