wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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