Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
