the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's blow job season.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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