WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
