I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
