In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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