your parents love me but you hate me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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