Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
