i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
