Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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