i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Four minutes until I can fart!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
a search helicopter?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
