Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
