When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
