You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would ride that face into the sunset
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
