So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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