fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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