I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
a search helicopter?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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