And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
