If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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