she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize