I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
is it fun? or sober?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
