I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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