Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
