So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
