I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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