I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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