Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
