Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?