WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I intend to get homeless drunk
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice