There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My feet surprised me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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