dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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