Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
