You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
