Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize