Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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