Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
