If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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